To Chris Hansen, My Fellow Detroiter

Chris,
     Sorry this is a little late, considering your Dateline show on Detroit aired four days ago, but I just had a couple of follow-up thoughts and questions in regards to finding food in the city of Detroit.  (I'm sorry we can't talk about your whole performance, I mean show, I mean investigative report, but I just don't have the time or energy for that). 
     So, you know how its goes, you tell someone you're from Detroit and you're all proud and everything, like you said in your report,  but then Bam! first question: "Where do you buy food?" I mean, what do you say Chris? It's hard, especially when you haven't eaten in three weeks.  My neighbor came up with a line where he says: "I do the same thing you do, I get in my car and I drive to the grocery store." But people just aren't buying it.  When you lived here, how did you handle this question?
    Now, I thought I might have misheard you when I was watching Sunday night, so I went on the MSNBC website and looked at the transcript.  You say: "If you want to buy food, good luck.  In the entire 140 square miles of the city, there are no Krogers, no Safeways, only eight supermarkets, and they're discount stores."  This is really blowing my mind because I literally went to five different Detroit supermarkets in the last two weeks and none of them said they were discount stores.  But I probably just didn't notice they were discount stores, I can be quite aloof sometimes; and after-all,  you're the reporter, so I'm gonna defer to your noticing skills.  If you say there are only eight then there are only eight.  It's not like I can go look up "grocer" in the yellow pages and find a list of 350 grocers. Because even if I did the list would probably start out with something bogus like "A and A Tire Shop" and we all know that doesn't count. (On a side note; don't you think it's weird that I never run into Kid Rock at the supermarket? I mean, there are only eight, right? And he's a Detroiter too, so odds are...)
    Get this, I'm talking to another neighbor, who I try to avoid because he's got some disease called bilingualism, and he tells me all those places in Southwest Detroit that say "supermercado" are actually supermarkets. Who knew right?  I mean that's just not fair; there's no way I would expect you to know this Chris, it's not like you went to some fancy private school where you're gonna learn stuff like that.  Doesn't matter anyway because you're only talking about stores with American food right?  But then, same guy, tells me about some place called Eastern Market.  He claims its been there for over a hundred years; no way, right Chris? Because our grandmas would have mentioned it at least once.  You're a Detroiter, you would know if this existed.  He says you can go there any day, but on Saturday tens of thousands of people are there to buy fresh vegetables, fruit, meat, seafood, even flowers (flowers in Detroit, are you kidding me?) from over 250 independent vendors, all magically appearing in some huge open-air culinary bacchanal.  He says they have everything.  And I say, "everything?" And he says, "everything."  And I say "What about raccoon?"   That shut him up.  If they don't sell raccoon what good is it, right Chris?
    Which reminds me, thanks for letting me know about the raccoon guy; the more food options we have the better.  Good news though, my yard is full of grubs.  I feel like I've struck gold!